thank you Willie Nelson!

Driving home after a long day at work a familiar song came up on the radio. What a blast from the past! It  was Willie Nelson’s “Always on my mind”. I couldn't remember the lyrics but I was excited to hear what I remembered to be a beautiful romantic song. 

This time I paid attention to the lyrics. In the song Willie apologizes for not loving her often enough, not treating her good enough, making her feel second best, not holding her during lonely times, never telling her he was happy to be with her, not doing the little things he should have said and done. His justification: he  just never took the time, he was blind, and my favorite “you were always on my mind”. Ok Willie what a funky self centered way of apologizing.

I went away for a weekend with college friends about 6 months after finishing chemotherapy for breast cancer. Late at night after some drinks I had a frank conversation with one of them about how my recent challenging experience had made me re-evaluate friendships. I confessed that before this experience I had not chosen my friends. I had passively accepted and nurtured friendships with people who gravitated towards me. I am by nature a giving person. I enjoy helping others and tend to attract people who enjoy receiving. I explained to my friend that I now actively choose to invest my time in people who are going to be there for me in times of need, have my back. During the conversation she realized she was one of those who called or emailed just once almost to feel they had checked off the box and moved on. It was surprising to hear that she felt, in her mind, close to me. She said I was an important person in her life. She said her husband and children were aware of her affection for me and that I had been “always on her mind”.

I think that people are so self absorbed that they don't get that there is NO value in being “on your mind”. If you want to be a friend, a lover, an important person to another in a healthy relationship, “on my mind” does not cut it. I am either in your actions or not and let's not pretend otherwise.

So I say to my friend and to Mr. Nelson: when you don't do something it's because it is just not that important to you. Yes, it's just not as important as whatever else you are doing/chose to do at that time. Yes it's true, accept it. Don't try to justify, don't  sugar coat it. This is who you are at this moment and if you want you can change.

I then went down the internet rabbit hole one night trying to figure out where in Mr Nelson’s life these lyrics came from and although I am still not sure to Nelson’s credit he does state that he was an awful partner and that he learned so much from his divorces... to which I say: I applaud your commitment to growth and Mr. Nelson, I thank you for the beautiful melody I have enjoyed so many times and the inspiration to write this note.